Right, grab yourself a cuppa and settle in, because when Lamar Jackson lines up against the Miami Dolphins, the odds of a normal football match are roughly the same as me winning the Lotto on a Tuesday night β absolutely vanishing. Every time these two sides meet, it's less of a game and more of a public execution, with poor Tua Tagovailoa standing there like an eejit at a bus stop that'll never arrive. The Ravens' number 8 doesn't just beat Miami; he theatrically destroys them, and it's getting to the stage where Dolphins fans should be issued a warning notice before kickoff.
The 2023 showdown was the big one, the anniversary match of pure carnage. Baltimore put a mighty 56 points on the Dolphins in one of the most lopsided beatings you'll ever witness, and Lamar was out there throwing five touchdowns like he was handing out sweets at a door on Halloween night. Miami's defence looked as useful as a chocolate teapot, chasing shadows all evening and asking themselves what in the name of God they'd signed up for. Tyreek Hill had a fairly decent afternoon, mind, but it was like watching a lone fiddler play a savage tune while the pub burns down around him.
The most gas thing about Lamar versus Miami is the sheer audacity of it. He'll fake a handoff, bake a pocket for a second or two, and then simply leg it past defenders like they're standing still in traffic on O'Connell Street. Miami defenders have a full head of steam and take a terrible angle, and suddenly they're grabbing at air while Lamar is already strolling into the end zone acting the maggot. It's not a bother on him β he makes the fastest defensive backs in the league look like they're running in wellies.
Until the Dolphins find some magical blueprint to contain him, every meeting ends the same way: Baltimore celebrating, Miami doing a fair bit of giving out, and the rest of us laughing into our pints. Lamar Jackson versus Miami isn't a rivalry β it's a recurring nightmare with a scoreboard. Sure look, someone has to be the punchline, and Florida's finest have bravely volunteered. Fair play to them, honestly.