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Right, so you've typed "where is Kyle Schwarber playing" into your search engine, probably after a big night on the sherbets, and somehow you've landed on a page featuring maps of Southeast Asia. Mate, don't panic. You're not lost, your internet isn't haunted, and no, Kyle Schwarber hasn't packed up his bat and headed off to Vietnam for a quiet sea change. Let's untangle this beautiful mess together, because the internet's search algorithms have clearly been on the grog.
Look at this map. Gorgeous, isn't it? Loads of lovely countries, brilliant street food, and absolutely zero Major League Baseball stadiums. That's the punchline, folks. If you were secretly hoping Schwarber had defected to a llao llao stand in Hanoi, I'm sorry to shatter your dreams. The bloke is very much employed by the Philadelphia Phillies, whacking dingers into the Delaware River at Citizens Bank Park. If you're following along from Australia, that's roughly 15,000 kilometres from this map, which explains why even the cleverest search engine got its knickers in a knot.
Here's another Southeast Asian map for good measure, because apparently the algorithm reckons you're planning an ASEAN backpacking trip instead of tracking a baseball season. But let's get fair dinkum for a sec: Schwarber signed with the Phillies back in 2022 and has been absolutely launching baseballs into orbit ever since. The man hits leadoff, walks more than your nan at the shops, and once mashed 30-odd homers before you'd even finished your Weet-Bix. If he ever does retire to Southeast Asia, you'll read about it in his autobiography, not on a souvenir wall map.
So there you have it, champ. Kyle Schwarber is playing for the Philadelphia Phillies in the USA, not gallivanting around the South China Sea. Bookmark the MLB schedule, set your alarm for the ungodly hours that suit us Aussies, and maybe lay off the map searches after your fourth beer. Your future self will thank you, and Schwarber will keep doing what he does best: launching baseballs somewhere that definitely isn't on either of these maps.
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